Hey everyone this weeks blog is going to be a little more personal so bear with me as I get all my thoughts out. I also wanted to throw in here that every blog I write comes from my mind at that moment, so if my weeks don't seem fluid its because well they aren't. My blogs are basically an extension of me and my currents thoughts and that changes from time to time (a whole lot). Ok, now that I got that out there lets move on to how I have been feeling lately. Those of you who don't know me, well i'm gabby I was a registered nurse up until I got pregnant and had a complication (POTS) where I was put out of work until I gave birth. After giving birth I have realized that for now, my heart want to stay with my little one and help her develop the way I feel she is suppose to. If you would have told me that I would be a stay at home mom a year and a half ago, I would have laughed, this was never my dream. I always felt the need to make my own money, and have a purpose in life! Its crazy how my purpose has change so drastically in such a short amount of time. being a stay at home mom it's really hard at times, I don't think people understand just how hard. Im not saying that YOUR job is less hard i'm just saying my job doesn't end at a certain time. I get the whole well you decided to do that "job" but just realize it's like any job there are ups and downs. SO just as you coming home from a hard day of work and needing to vent/relax so does the stay at home mom. Everyday isn't sunshine and rainbows, even when i'm sick I still come to work and put a smile on my face, even when i'm finding it hard to hold my head up, I don't get call outs. My view on stay at home moms has change and I respect all that they go through so from one stay at home mom to another, you are doing great and you can only handle so much, don't get hard on yourself. To the working moms whether you wanted to or you have to I see you providing and you are doing amazing.
Over the last couple months I have just been feeling like, what is my purpose in life? I am totally ok with the being a mom part but I feel like there is something missing. I still haven't found it so thats why I have been just soul searching these last couple months and stepping out of my comfort zone. After I had the baby I'm almost positive I was experiencing Postpartum depression and anxiety, everything just felt numb, don' t get me wrong I love my daughter however, I was feeling like I was missing that bond. As time has continued that bond has grown so beautifully, I feel weird saying that because some will take this as "I don't love my Daughter" but thats not the cause at all. postpartum depression and anxiety can mess with your mind and make a person feel so much, a person without this never experiences. I have never actually told anyone this, in fear of peoples response. IF you are experiencing what I am saying I hear you, I see you, and I wish I could give you a hug, IT'S NOT EASY, ITS EXHAUSTING, BUT IT GETS BETTER. You have to push through, find your outlets, find what make you happy or what made you happy and try new things! ANYONE WHO NEED TO TALK YOU CAN MESSAGE ME THROW MY PAGE AND I WILL ANSWER YOU AS SOON AS I GET IT.
Another subject I feel is not very talked about is the feeling of being "touched out". Basically what it means is, if you are primary care giver to your littles and you are constantly being touched and hung on, its that feeling of just needing a break ALONE and not being touched. It's that feeling of your mind overloading due to over stimulation, Its that feeling of just wanting to hand the baby off and take a nice warm shower. Again this may sound foreign to some parents and thats ok, My writing isn't going to resonate with everyone every week. But those who understand deep with in your soul what i'm saying, Don't feel guilty for needing a break, don't feel bad for having these feeling, because nine times out of ten, the other mothers are feeling it to but just don't want to say it. My favorite saying is you can't pour from an empty glass, SO simple yet speaks volumes. If there is one thing I have learned since I have had the baby it's, that sometimes you just need to say what you are feeling out loud to get it off your chest, don't bottle everything inside(This is what I do) say what you are feeling, validate yourself.
Unlike my fellow incubators I feel like when I gave birth my body changed forever which it did but i'm talking more about the visual. after having the baby via C-section I felt that me having a flat stomach was never gonna happen! This became my crutch and I was using it whenever I wanted, didn't matter day or night. I have never been as big as I am right now, I am embarrassed and just down right upset that I let myself get like this. Growing up I did gymnastic, dance and cheer, I was always in shape and very muscular. This feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin is unfamiliar to me. Until recently I have been Living my best life not caring until today! Today I am no longer letting my bad habits take control of me. I am making as conscious decision to lose weight. For those of you feeling the same way a small change a day will make a difference, just cutting one bad snack or meal and replacing it with a healthy one will make a change. I will no longer look in the mirror and talk down to myself, positive affirmation from now on,I will speak this into existence.
Side note: I just realized that I kept saying mom but, I know there are stay at home dads so parent would have been more appropriate terminology.
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